Weirdest Fetishes -"weird" of course being highly relative....
A sexual fetish is the need for an object, body part or material to achieve an elevated state of sexual arousal. In my rather lengthy history in the world of kink I would wager to say there are nearly as many possible fetishes as there are people. That being said, there are definitely some very common ones, and others less so.
For the record I don't appreciate the tone of the this list's writer in describing the fetishes in the list, however, I will keep in mind that this is most likely put together by some seriously vanilla writer/s
Fact: we fart – men, women, children, animals. Some are loud, some quiet, some smelly and some not quite so smelly. It’s a natural bodily function but what’s not so natural is to derive sexual pleasure from it. But that’s precisely the case if you’re an eproctophile. In fact, you spend an abnormal amount of time fantasising about flatulence, whether it’s farting in your partner’s face or being the receiver of their pongy bum odours. Although incredibly rare, you just might be the unlucky one whose other half’s burning fantasy is being pinned down as you let one rip directly in their face. Disturbing.
Now don’t get me wrong, there are some great looking cars out there and I could just imagine myself driving along the motorway in a brand spanking new Aston Martin DB9, receiving envious glances from my fellow road users. But would I want to go that one step further and develop sexual feelings towards the unsuspecting vehicle? Eh….no. But you would if you were into mechanophilia. These loons are sexually attracted to machines such as cars, bikes, aeroplanes and helicopters in the same way we are attracted to others within the human race. A car’s exhaust pipe is seen as fair game to these freaks. Step away from the Ferrari son….
With several movies, magazines and websites dedicated to it, klismaphilia is a fetish in which sexual gratification is derived from enemas. Yes, you heard right – these fruitcakes get their sexual kicks from using enemas to introduce liquid into the rectum and large intestine by the only means possible: the bumhole! They can’t settle for a shapely pair of legs or a round bum for their kicks and have to take things that little bit too far, even claiming that they are constipated in order to get others to administer an enema. If you’re ever unfortunate to have this request placed upon you, just recommend a good laxative and walk away in the opposite direction. Fast. Very fast. In fact, run.
If you’re glancing over at the Alsatian tied to the lamppost and thinking how bang tidy it is and how you’d like to give it one, then you’re into bestiality – the desire to form sexual relationships with animals. Quite obviously, you’re also a weirdo of the highest order. Not to mention that you’d be breaking the law if you decided to get jiggy with your neighbour’s chocolate Labrador. Needless to say, you’d probably have a lot of explaining to do if your girlfriend came home early to find you hanging out of the back of her beloved pooch. How would you explain that one away? With great difficulty, I’d imagine.
There are millions all over the world who look to the Lord for guidance and comfort throughout their lives, believing He will guide them towards being the best person they can possibly be. This all seems pure and innocent enough. There are always the minority who have to it too far though. To these select few, the sight of Jesus on the cross doesn’t bring about feelings of love and purity, but intense sexual arousal and a wholly inappropriate stirring in their pants. Yes, these sinners are immensely turned on by religious or sacred objects. Not really an appropriate thought to have during hymns on a Sunday morning. I wonder what Jesus would have to say?
There’s nothing worse than feeling rotten and puking up every other hour, whether you’ve got a sickness bug or had one too many beers the night before. It’s not nice for others to witness – and smell – either. Or so you’d think. But no, there are some nut jobs out there who can think of nothing in the world more sexually gratifying than watching someone puke their guts up or to puke up themselves . They positively buzz off it and will probably struggle to hide their sexual excitement. Just be wary on your next night out when your friend insists on looking after you after you’ve had one too many and are barfing up on the edge of the street. They might just be getting off on it. The sick, sick buggers!
If you’re desperately unfortunate to lose a limb, then the last thing you need is the attention of a sexual deviant who is driven wild by the fact that you are lacking a limb. But this is unfortunately what you will have to deal with, should you catch the eye of an acrotomophilic. This depraved creature will get off on the fact that you are an amputee. I’m sorry, but that’s just plain wrong and hellishly creepy. How to deal with frisky pervert? Detach your prosthetic leg and hit him repeatedly until he gets the message that you’re not going to sit there while he ogles your amputated limb stump. He’ll soon get the message.
We all need to poo, right? And if we were to be honest with ourselves, sometimes it can be rather satisfying when we’ve been dying to go for the last hour and have finally managed to find a loo to unleash the beast. Whilst there’s certainly no shame in enjoying a good old crap, it’s a different story if the act of doing so or watching someone else do it actually sends you into a sexual frenzy. But this will be the case if you’re into the rather unhygienic fetish of coprophilia where you derive sexual pleasure from all things pooey. In fact, nothing would turn you on more than a nice glass of wine, a good movie and then to bed to crap on your partner’s chest or even worse, in their mouth. You think I’m kidding? Regrettably not.
Defined simply as the sexual arousal arising from the fantasy of eating or being eaten by someone or something else. There are no bounds to the species involved in this unnerving fetish, although vorarephilic German, Armin Meiwes, actually ate a WILLING HUMAN victim after advertising for someone to allow him to act out his twisted fantasy. More often though, the fetish is enjoyed through pictures, videos, stories and video games. Regardless, if you find a stash of such pictures under your partner’s side of the bed, I’d definitely recommend sleeping with one eye open, especially if there’s a knife and fork there too!
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